While biding my time here and trying to figure out next steps, I have never stopped painting for one minute. I take a lot of classes although during the pandemic when they were all online it was easier to do that. Now it seems everyone is offering workshops and classes in very expensive and exotic locations. I have no desire to schlep all over the world for a five day class. So I am taking a lot of classes on Skillshare and occasionally I find classes elsewhere especially when surfing on Instagram. Plus there are many ongoing challenges to become involved in though I have not frequented as many as I should. I lose interest after a while. I think that may have to do with my sadness over being where I no longer want to be. Homesickness is hard to deal with and it comes on quite suddenly.
I try to stay grateful for what I do have but it is not easy.
Whenever I am away from my studio for any length of time, as I was this past week, it always takes me a few days to get back to where I feel comfortable again. I forget what I had been doing before I left and so whatever I try to create turns out not so great. Being back east was a bit startling for me. Everything was so green and the trees were so large. I guess I forgot how big both the trees and the leaves are. Here, our trees are smallish. And there are pretty much no leaves on anything. The mesquite tree has some tiny little leaves but for the most part it is all about dry, dusty brown and thorns. Today was the first day I began to feel comfortable in my studio again. Although I put trees in my landscapes. I guess I really needed trees. I am still reeling from the realization that Massachusetts is so expensive and I have no idea if we will ever be able to go back. I am heartbroken over that thought. I try not to think about it but it is hard not to.

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